we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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