so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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