hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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