I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
