I checked into jail on foursquare
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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