I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
