I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
