I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
