you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
