His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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