Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
