just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
