He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
