I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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