i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
