he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
