Moan for me like Helen Keller
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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