She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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