Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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