the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Still dying that you shit outside
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
