Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
