Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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