i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
