Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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