It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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