whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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