Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
