it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The best revenge is premature balding
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
