I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
