So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
