She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
