Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
