Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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