I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Sober January is a disaster.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
