Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
