I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
