Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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