And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
