can u get pink eye on your cock?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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