in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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