i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
