i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
