Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
