My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
