Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
