Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You smell like stripper and shame
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
