somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
