She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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