I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
