I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
