screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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