tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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