I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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