I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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