This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
