Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
