you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
