i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You made out with two different species that night
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
