the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
