I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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