I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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