is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
