brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
