Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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