i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
