I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
