dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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