dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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