I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
