In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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