please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
