went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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