I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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