He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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