I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
