Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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