just come out here and I will go home with you...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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