Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
