Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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