No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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