One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Life is so much better after having sex.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
