Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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