Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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