There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
