I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
