I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
