just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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