I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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