yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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