____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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