I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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