It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I want a musical about memes.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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