i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
