Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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