Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
