Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize