its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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